Funny German Jokes Only Germans Will Understand

Germans love to laugh, but not at the same things that make English speakers laugh. Gentle jokes about national stereotypes are popular, as are wordplays, puns, jokes that mislead or make mistakes in logic, and absurdist jokes—anything but teasing each other, which is the basis of English-language humor. Even if some parts get lost in translation, these 11 jokes will at least make people laugh in Germany.

Technically-speaking

— Can a kangaroo jump as high as a house?
— Yes! Because you can’t jump over a house.
[groan]

Keep it classy, Deutschland

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I go to the bathroom at 7 a.m. every day.” How should I act?’ The doctor tells him not to worry because most people would love to be that regular.

“But wait,” says the man, “I get up at 7:30…”

Waiter!

The man tells his waiter, “Excuse me, sir, but this coffee is cold.” The waiter says, “Thanks for letting me know.” I’ll write something down on the bill. Iced coffee costs an extra euro.

Zing!

– What makes a Turk different from a Bavarian?

– The person from Turkey speaks better German.

(Bavaria has a strong dialect that is somewhere between High German and Swiss German.)

It’s funny because it’s true

One is from Germany and the other is from the United States. They bet on who will finish their house first. After four weeks, the American says with pride, “Only 14 days left, and I’ll be done!” His German friend responds with excitement, “Only 14 more forms to fill out, and then I can start?!”

An American, a German and a Tyroler….

In a ski hut, there are an American, a German, and someone from Tyrol, which is in Austria. When the American finishes his Budweiser, he throws it in the air, pulls out his revolver, and shoots the glass into a thousand pieces. He then says, “We have so much money in America that we don’t drink from the same glass twice.”

The German orders a glass of Warsteiner, drinks it, throws it in the air, steals the American’s revolver, and shoots the glass into a thousand pieces. “We have so much money in Germany,” he says, “that we don’t even need to drink from the same glass twice.”

Not wanting to be left out, the local Tyroler drinks his Gosser, steals the American’s gun, shoots the German, and says, “In Tyrol, we have so many Germans that we don’t have to drink with the same one twice.”

(The western Austrian region of Tyrol is a very popular place for Germans to go on vacation to ski and hike. Other than tourism, there is no real business in the area.)

Alle Kinder

Alle Kinder humor comes from the same place as “Knock, Knock” jokes. It has a specific structure that can be used to make very dark and funny jokes.

Here’s how it works:

All the kids are doing something, except [child’s name], who is… [a word that rhymes with the child’s name].

All the kids are playing with knives except for Ted, who is dead.

A German example: Alle Kinder laufen in den Bunker, nur nicht Beate, die fangt die Granate. [Everyone else in the bunker ran, but Beate caught the grenade.]

Pun ‘Kalauer’

The “Kalauer” is a humorous pun, also referred to as a “Flachwitz” or “Plattwitz” by some Germans. The German city of Calau, where the satire publication “Kladderadatsch” was published from 1848 to 1944 and provided weekly “news from Kalau,” is thought to be the origin of the term “Kalauer.” Here is one that can be translated: What wanders through the desert while being sticky and brown? an almond.

Little Fritz tells jokes as “Fritzchen”

Like Little Johnny in English, Fritzchen, or “Little Fritz,” is a made-up, mischievous youngster whose name is frequently used in German jokes. Can I be punished for something I haven’t done? Fritzchen asks his teacher. Of course not, Fritzchen, that would be very unfair, the teacher responds. “That’s good to know, because I haven’t done my homework,” says a relieved Fritzchen.

Jokes in East Frisian called “Ostfriesen”

Each nation has its own “dumb” ethnic group in mind. Around the 1960s, East Frisians, a group of people from northern Germany, became the focus of a joke cycle in that country. Ostfriesen jokes are typically made fun of for being slow or stupid, but because successful East Frisian comedian Otto Waalkes made them his speciality, the area came to take a certain amount of “pride” in them.

Manta driver jokes

German sports car manufacturer Opel produced the Manta from 1970 to 1988. Manta jokes are built on the stereotype that the male owner of this vehicle is a lower-class person who drives aggressively and macho and has a blonde girlfriend. A Manta driver asks the mechanic to fix his horn when he enters the shop. The mechanic says, “Your brakes aren’t working either.” I am aware of the reason I must honk constantly.

East German jokes about the DDR

Between 1949 and 1990, East German jokes would reference either the political climate or the economic hardship of the people living in the communist German Democratic Republic (GDR). What do you think about the East German state, one border guard at the Berlin Wall asks another. His coworker hesitantly replies, “The same as you.” “OK, I guess I have to go ahead and arrest you.”

Jokes on radio Yerevan

In the former communist Eastern Bloc, jokes mocking the question-and-answer program on Armenia’s public radio, Radio Yerevan, were common. In the German translation, responses would typically begin, “In theory yes, but…” Therefore, I would like to ask Radio Yerevan if the Soviet Union’s press is uncensored. Answer: “In theory, yes, but we won’t talk about it any more.”

State officials’ jokes, “Beamte”

Jokes like this one about “Beamte” being slow, sluggish bureaucrats are common. Three young men clash. The first one declares, “My father is the fastest race car driver.” Another responds, “No, my dad is an air force pilot; he’s faster. The third responds, “That’s nothing. When his workday ends at 5 p.m., my father, a Beamte, is already at home by 1:00.

The anti-joke is called “Antiwitz.”

The “Antiwitz” frequently presents a brief, ridiculous scene. Like this strange but well-known joke, it might not have a punchline. “It’s colder at night than it is outside.” Hmm. Alternately, try this one: In the oven, two muffins are baking next to one another. One of them suddenly exclaims, “Is it ever hot in here…” The other responds: “Dear God! A muffin that speaks!”

Bauernregeln: Farmer’s folktale jokes

This type of joke makes fun of the kind of old-fashioned wisdom you might find in a Farmer’s Almanac (Bauernregeln means “farmer’s rules” or “weather lore”). For example, “April showers bring May flowers” is an example of this type of joke. The point of these jokes is to cram as much filthy nonsense as possible into a pair of lines that rhyme but are otherwise boring.

For instance:

Nimmt der Ochse ein Kondom, lacht der Kuhstall voller Hohn!

(If the ox used a condom, everyone in the barn would make fun of him.)
Wenn es nachts im Bette kracht, der Bauer seine Erben macht.
(When the farmer’s bed creaks in the middle of the night, he is making his fortune.)

Ummm…..

This one needs some explanation, but it’s still not funny. Before you try to figure it out yourself, you should know that in most government and public buildings in Germany, the bathrooms are numbered 00:

A man asks his coworker, “Hey, Stefan, how was your trip?” “Terrible,” Stefan says in response. “I stayed in Room 100, and the number 1 fell off the door on the first day.”

No, you’re the idiot

People from the East Frisian Islands in the North Sea are always the punch line of stupid jokes in Germany. Any joke about a blonde or a Newfoundlander will also work with an Ostfriese.

A classic example:

The captain of an East Frisian space ship is talking to his crew. “Everyone,” he says with pride, “I’m thrilled to tell you that we’re finally ready to start our journey to the sun. We will be the first people in the world to do it, and I can’t wait to show everyone that we’re not as stupid as they all say we are.’

“But wait!” shouts one of the astronauts. “Aren’t you too hot?” The captain rolls his eyes and tells Jorg, “Questions like that are why East Frisians have a bad name.” I can promise you that it won’t be too hot. We’re going somewhere at night.’

Topic: Funny German Jokes Only Germans Will Understand

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By: Travel Pixy